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9 Tips to Develop Emotional Intimacy In Your Relationship



Perhaps everyone would agree that intimacy plays an important role in a relationship. For any relationship to work, a certain amount or level of intimacy should be present to strengthen the emotional connection they have. But nothing comes easy in a relationship and only when the couples exert a fair amount of share and effort will the relationship be sustained. In doing so, maintaining a healthy level of emotional intimacy is a big factor. Here are some important factors to consider in developing emotional intimacy in your relationship.

Many relationships fall apart because they often miscommunicate. Some couples think that they are not loved enough or are not loved at all, but in fact, they are! They’re just not aware of their partner’s way of communicating their love. There are different types of love languages: acts of service, physical touch, quality time, words of affirmations, and receiving gifts.  Some people may express their love differently from you so it’s important to know, understand, and accept their love language. A huge percentage of miscommunication can be avoided if there is a complete understanding of your partner.

Do mundane things together.

The magic in the relationship is not in the candle-lit dates, expensive dinners, and scheduled outdoor dates. It’s in the small things that you do together. Afterall, if you see the relationship as a log-term one, you will be spending most of the time with them doing mundane things. It’s not going to be perfectly organized all the time. Enjoy simple stuff such as doing grocery, cooking, cleaning, watching tv shows, etc. The key here is to enjoy each other’s company while doing simple things together. By simply being together and seeing your partner in their natural and most vulnerable state and still find joy and beauty in it builds a kind of connection that develops emotional intimacy. Afterall, you don’t really show this side of yours to just anyone. It must be someone you trust and care about.

Engage in physical contact.

It really does not matter if your love language is not physical touch—your partner should be irresistible enough to not touch! And hey! The kind of touch doesn’t have to be sexual, you know? Simple physical contacts like holding of hands, patting of head, and stroking of hair are enough to send a lovely sensation to your partner. Of course, it still depends on the extent of physical touch you permit in your relationship.

In fact, the health benefits of physical touch have been scientifically proven. A simple touch triggers the release of the love hormone called oxytocin. It helps relieve stress and activate our compassionate response. All these elements coming together help develop the intimacy between the couple.

Spend time with each other.

Spending time with each other is the best way to get to know each other. The time spent together exposes partners to their sides that aren’t usually shown on some days. When you spend time together, you get to discover a lot of new things about your partner. In addition, you feel connected more than ever with each other. There is no better way to get to know each other more than spending time with each other.

Couples have different ways of adding spice to their relationship. In the middle of the day, let your partner know that you are always thinking of them. Send them a short, sweet, and maybe naughty message to give your partner all sorts of feels. You can even push a bit further and talk dirty to your partner to arouse their anticipation.

The thing about dirty talking is that it makes the couple more comfortable in expressing their desire of one another. This level of anticipation contributes to the development of emotional intimacy. In a way, you can only do this kind of thing if your relationship has already reached a certain degree of emotional intimacy. You can start by using these naughty words for him that will surely help spice up your relationship.

Remember the things you tell each other.

Remembering the things you tell each other is probably the best proof that you are paying attention to the conversation you had with your partner. Remembering particularly the small things shows that you pay close attention and you value the littlest information your partner is saying. This makes your partner feel really loved and valued. Knowing the fact that you value and remember even the minor details they say makes your partner feel that special connection you have with each other. Only the person who treats you in a special and loving way would remember (and would want to remember) things about you. The simple thought of it can already send all sorts of feels, right? What more if you do it?

Know their life outside the relationship.

Remember that your partner’s world does not revolve around you. They have a life that you are not a part of—friends, workmates, and other groups of people they are acquainted with. Remember that the connection your partner has outside your relationship does not in any way diminish the quality or degree of the relationship your partner has with you. Your partner’s life outside the relationship is not a competitor or a rival. Instead, it is a part of them that you have to understand and accept. When you truly understand the life they have, a certain degree of emotional intimacy is achieved mainly because the level of understanding you have about your partner is not something that anyone can just simply provide. Who knows, you might even discover more amazing things about your partner, right?

Your partner is someone you should sincerely and entirely trust. This means you can open up almost anything to your partner. You wouldn’t feel like you’d be judged, misunderstood, or rejected. Your partner is your support system and if there is anyone who should be among the first group of people who supports you throughout, your partner should be one of them.

One common mistake in a relationship is to expect that your partner would automatically understand you even if you don’t say anything. Your partner is not a mind-reader; let them know what you are thinking and share with them the circumstances you are dealing. Open up to them and allow them to be your support. In this way, the relationship will feel more secure, honest, and intimate. Knowing that there are things that only you and your partner knows bring a certain kind of intimacy. So let them in and allow them to support you.

Know and understand their life goals

Most relationships turn sour because the couples lose track of their plans together. Little by little, they get engaged with things that do not involve their partner until they get used to their absence in their lives. In some cases, there are couples who have too different plans in life that things just get so difficult to compromise. One reason why this happens is because the couples don’t have a complete understanding of their individual goals in life.

Remember that it is completely normal to have different life goals—you and your partner are different individuals, after all. In order to reach a compromise, both must understand and support each other. Get rid of all expectations you have about the relationship. It’s good to expect and plan for your future together but be flexible enough to make adjustments. Have relationship goals that will help strengthen your relationship and guide you through the process.

The key to remember is that there is no exact formula in developing emotional intimacy. There are some things that work for some couples but don’t on other couples. It really depends on the people involved and the kind of relationship they have. One thing to remember, however, is the effort. The effort to develop emotional intimacy must come both ways to make it work. It isn’t enough that only one of you is making the effort. It is a partnership, after all.


Scott Zhou is the owner of He is an entrepreneur by spirit. Scott likes to share his insights on an array of topics related to realtionship, self-improvement, lifestyle and motivation. His recent collection of powerful quotes will showcase the importance of relationship to achieve the goals of living in harmony.