Lifestyle and relationship blogger, Kwadjo Panyin (musingsofanafricanbachelor), explores the thorny issue of sex during menstruation in the following guest blog:
Disclaimer: Read at your own risk! Seriously, I’m not messing with you. If I put up a disclaimer on a blog, it’s because I am giving you a fair warning that this article does cross some lines. You are about to embark on a journey of no return. This journey may leave a stain which can’t be easily wiped off.
These were my exact thoughts when I had to deal with the scourge of period sex the first time.
If the only tool you have to work with is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
I picked up different tools along the way and let’s just say, I eradicated my skepticism and embraced the messiness.
The glorious monthly flow or as I like to call it, the diaper season or Auntie Flo. If you have a girlfriend or a wife, once every 28 days or so, her secret garden stages a revolt against her.
I had a girlfriend once explain to me what period cramps feel like and it sounded like a thousand needles poking at you at once. Yikes!!
The diaper season, however, has served some women very well as an excuse to duck out of certain activities they consider unappealing at the time. Mostly, it’s a “get out of jail free card” when she becomes irritable over the trivial stuff.
Then there is, ahem, sex where the excuses go like this; “Not tonight, Hun.” Not today, babe.” Not this week, Dear.”
I’ve heard my share of Auntie Flo excuses but I’ve also indulged a number of times with girls while they were on their period. With that, I am keenly aware that some women are more than willing to indulge during their diaper season.
Some women, understandably, are truly uncomfortable because they are either heavy bleeders or the sex makes a gigantic mess they don’t want to deal with. Personally, I do not mind the mess but it can’t be all about me, can it?
Lately, I have paid close attention to when a woman cites a visit from Auntie Flo as an excuse. If she conjures up Auntie Flo before we make out or at the beginning, it could mean one of three things.
She may not really be in the mood, straight up lying because she does not want me poking around or she is truly grossed out by the thought of having sex while Auntie Flo is in town.
On the other hand, if a woman is totally into me and she makes out heavily with me and hides the fact that she is on her period until the very last moment, she is open to the possibility of sex in spite of the leakage. This assertion, of course, is based on my perception and experiences.
I have been consistent with my responses to Auntie Flo blockades despite the timing though.
Whenever a woman says; “Sorry! We can’t have sex because I’m on my period, it presents an opportunity for me to man up and say; “It’s okay, baby. Just grab a towel.”
This topic is a taboo to some and I know just talking about it will irk or gross others out. The truth is, period sex is happening more and more these days and people are finding ways to enjoy intimacy when Auntie Flo interrupts the normal proceeding.
It’s time we all, men and women, open up to the possibility that there’s more to ‘period sex’ than just the traditional myths associated with it.
Life is too short to not have sex for a week every month.
Instead of running for the hills when Auntie Flo visits, I always recommend that men get closer and become more intimate with their partners during that time of the month.
Unless a woman explicitly tells me to get lost during her period, I stick around and try to win the “Dotting Boyfriend of the Year” award.
Think of that time of the month as a great opportunity to think outside the box in terms of sex and intimacy. Sex during a woman’s period does not necessarily have to involve the traditional penetration. The options are endless.
Ponder this, a woman’s hormones are absolutely going crazy during that time of the month so why waste an opportunity to enjoy the intensity the sex can bring.
Equally exciting is that she is extremely moist and lubricants are not needed.
To be fair, sometimes it does feel like a flooded area especially on her heavy days. Others experience uncomfortable pain throughout the period.
In spite of these roadblocks, there are still some great options or alternatives to consider.
Foreplay comes to mind immediately as a great option.
Just kissing alone for hours on end can lead some to reach for the skies and experience deep pleasure.
A woman’s body has endless erogenous zones that are super sensitive when touched sexually. Some women may not even be aware that certain body parts can be arousing when touched sexually because the concentration is largely on her double lattes and the secret garden.
Take a break from the usual when Auntie Flo is in town and take your time exploring your woman’s neck, arms, shoulders, feet, thighs, and other unmentionable areas. Play a game of seeking the areas which stimulate her the most.
If the goal is not to prepare her for penetration, you will enjoy taking your time to explore her body so have at it!
Giving a woman a massage is also a great way to explore and experience intimacy while she is on her period. Giving her a massage is a nice way to feel connected while easing her pain in the process.
Your talented hands will distract her from the war going on inside of her body and she may be less inclined to yell at you over trivial things so break out the massage oils and get to work!
Embrace the messiness and the gore. Yup, that’s right. The monthly leakage is a part of her and if you truly love her, you have to embrace everything about her.
I grab a towel and dig in for the simple fact that it’s natural, primal, and simply beautiful! Auntie Flo comes with the flow but she can’t halt our flow.
Why do I suddenly have a massive hankering for red velvet cake?
By Kwadjo Panyin