Love Series with Akumaa Mama Zimbi: Chapter 2 – Misrepresentation of Love

This chapter seeks to provide some answers to one of the most debated and controversial questions in human history that keeps bothering us till today. What is love? I do not want to start stating and explaining the forms of love like platonic love and agape love because the love I am talking about is strictly the love found in a relationship and marriage. I am not talking about the so called ‘LOVE’ which has become a very powerful and eternal false god of our imagination. Such LOVE causes people to maim, betray, kill, disobey their parents and even disobey their God. 

Love, as the holy Bible defines money, answers all things. But the misunderstanding, misplacement and misappropriation of love can also be a doom and the root of all evils. We humans do marry unlike the animals because we have the power and opportunity to make an informed decision by considering several factors not disregarding entirely the opinion of the family. Some argue that marriage is love, but I will dissociate myself from that school of thought if they keep suggesting that love is just a feeling you have towards each other.

Animals sexually get attracted to each other. They yearn for companionship and care for each other. They mate. Some get jealous when others make sexual advances towards their chosen partners. They reproduce. They care and protect their young ones. These basic instincts that most mammals have happen in humans as well. Is this what we call love? If it is, why don’t the animals also marry? Some school of thought further argues that no one will marry his or her enemy, but I think people do.

Sometimes, Nations go to war, and Kingdoms fall all because of love. I am talking about something that its exact beginning and end can rarely be determined. I am talking about something which is not a drug but heals so many people from so many illnesses. I am talking about something which is not tangible but it can hit and hurt physically. I am talking about something which may be considered as a state of mind but can actually cause the malfunction of the heart which is the center of life in your body. It will always wait for you. It survives old age even when the children are grown and gone. It survives acute sicknesses. It last forever.

It is very unfortunate how the patriarchal nature of our society supported by modern religious tenets has explained the misjudgments of some men in history to their so called ‘LOVE’ of a woman.’ They have placed women as subjects, instruments or servants that the false god of their imagination called LOVE uses to destroy men and make them fall from grace as well.

This LOVE is not the love I am seeking to explain and propagate in this chapter. How can anyone suggest that prominent men in history fell or sinned because of the love they had for women or their wives. To me, women are not LOVE or objects of LOVE, but women are the graphic expressions of true love. This LOVE or ‘LOVE of a woman’ which I believe is just a false god of our imagination is not love, but may be due to our greediness, weakness, faithlessness, carelessness or lust. Besides, is the ‘LOVE of a man’ any better?

When a man is bold enough to tell a woman that ‘I Love You’, what does the statement mean to the man himself at that particular moment of declaration? Always remember that words are vague, ambiguous and flexible, so the same phrase can mean differently to different individuals.

To a man, saying ‘I Love You’ to a woman may mean ‘I want to support you’, ‘I want to marry you’, ‘I need you to have a child with me’, ‘You are beautiful’, ‘I like your manners’, I like your status, ‘I admire your talent’, ‘I admire your love for God’, ‘I like how you present yourself’,  ‘I need a woman in my life because I am growing’, ‘I want to sleep with you’, ‘I want to have you because of the good things I have done for you’, ‘I want to stay with you in the same room’, ‘I want to be around you most of the time’ or ‘I need your help and support’. Which of these meanings did you know was at the back of your man’s head when you responded to his proposal and said to him that “I Love You Too’?

Try to remember and ask yourself, when you accepted his proposal and said to him that “I Love You Too’, what did you also mean?

Did you really understand what you said? Did you really understand what you accepted? Think about it. Medaase (meaning Thank You).

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