Guest Blog: Opana Forked Me Upwards; Non and Sense Vs Waste and Time

As if life couldn’t get any worse,I listened to my President , Head of State and the man responsible for transforming my life, tell me what he has been doing for sometime in his office.  And he did that confidently amidst smiles and occasionally forked out a laugh or an extended one when his forking was scorned by the minority.

His excuse?

The constitution had decreed. So he shrugs and gets on with his forking oral job.

So Cometh the hour, Cometh the man with his farm tools to fork my hay ie my food. And by extension, my time.

But I knew his vocal exercise was going to cost me something.

And I didn’t care.

Not that I could help it.

But the good news is, he knows I were not going to pay him for the work done with cash.

He indeed had recently promised I were ONLY EVER going to be able to afford some of these constitutional excesses with cash, when he assumes his next and final term of further waste of my time . Fools stop.

That he didn’t use the conditional ‘IF’ but ‘WHEN’ spoke volumes of, in my opinion , how cock sure he is of his chances during this year’s presidential and parliamentary elections come November, and nothing to do with his penchant for political pokes. Anyways.

So I indirectly pay for his forking my sorry life through his  address to me for about four-hours in the full glare of some very honorable people including the Inspector General of the Ghana Police Service.

Anuanom ne Adofonom, an argument could be in defense of my President that since his forking out the current state of our nation had been announced in advance, and I didn’t flee from its coverage area by refusing to hide in a safe haven for the sake of my body organs, I inevitably, tacitly consented to the forking out of my time to listen to A J)n Mahama tell me what he wanted, anyhow he pleased.

My forking time; though intangible and almost abstract, is my only currency of note. And even that seemed to have been forked and flung away into some dead goat pit by the President.

Social Media came to a standstill, and continues to stew in the charade of the  Presidential State of our supposed transformed lives mainly because of lack of employment.

And also because that’s all civil society and the opposition are good at.

Sometimes I wonder what the President’s forking has got to do with our daily bread.

In plain but simple language , ripple effects of the words he forked up for his pleasure would occupy us for a while. And ultimately amount to a nought.

Before I give reasons why his address is not sensible to me, let me waste more of your time by apologizing for my democratic insolence. . . Thank you.

Couldn’t we have been left alone and made his ‘book reading’ exercise available  online for those interested to download and learn for whatever academy purposes or even recreation?

I mean can’t we repeal this constitutional requirement so presidents and most especially Prez J)n, only occasionally pops up with cartons of milo

to atone for, for instance their indirect negligence and gross incompetence when the occasional Kintampo -Tamale road slaughter occurs?

Okay.

So this is what happened.

The president woke up from his sleep just like I did on the 25/02/16, said a prayer or made libation or whatever he does forking out his time on, and ate a balanced diet for breakfast. Expressions of gratitude and fetes off the toils of the weak and poor is within his basic, if not constitutional rights as a hard working human being so no problems here.

Then he ambled his way into our Parliament House, a structure that houses most of his mistrusted and contemptible fellows(ask Hon. Alban Bagbin), and reluctantly tells me through his narrative, he has gone to borrow money from his mum’s former boy friend’s dad’s sister who is in prison.

Further more, after his painstaking efforts, he has used the borrowed money to tar all municipal and rural roads across the length and breathed of Ghana.

And used the remainder as Lorry fare to buy Jollof to eat.

That he has also used his personal savings to hire experts from Syria and Yemen to build first rate hospitals and lay rails for our trains because he loves Ghana blah blah blah.

Nonsense.

That’s not what he said. At least not in plain English.

I won’t bore you with another version of his ordeal. Sorry our, eish, sorry for my ordeal with his efforts during his State of the Nation address.

But in my opinion, he beyond reasonable doubt, implied that he was doing me a favor by spending my taxes to pay Ghanaian salaries and has also used his constitutional powers as State Boss to take whatever assets Ghana has and deposited them as collateral the few times he has felt the need to secure loans for the taring of roads and building hospitals and so forth. . . .

What riled me up most was when he confidently said that he was a very serious and competent guy so even when some good people managed and succeeded in defrauding the State and were caught, he asked the criminals to payback the money in installments. Hurray. End of story.

Why didn’t he just skip that part in his address???

I mean, it’s not like the opposition nor I can do anything about the joke. He is after all a man very keen on transforming our lives for ever!

But the fact that he could muster that much energy to fork that nonsense alone means Sir J)hn wont give his fork to anyone.

Maybe stakeholders of the Creative Arts should just get a fork and knife and prey on some of these things as further reason to gang up against Nana Atopi for wasting our time. Or rather, forking our time so much that we stayed glued to listening and viewing transmitting sets in anticipation that he were going to give us a cool and sexy looking fork.

Well, ‘What The Fork’ could make a good title of a forked book authored by anybody.

What. The. Fork.

#iam4change

#stillwerise

By Kwame Agyemang Berko

Poet. Essayist. Humorist

@uhurubardman on Twitter